I think it’s time we took a break. We’ve been dating pretty seriously for a couple of years now, and it’s been great – really. Remember that time we made brownies together?
That was the best.
I know you deserve an explanation, and so I have to tell you in all honesty that it’s not me, it’s you.
You’ve turned into a real diva lately, and I can only imagine it’s from everyone telling you how great you are all the time. Everything looks good on you and unfortunately you know it. Your ego is out of control and I just can’t (I won’t) take it anymore.
And yet I feel partially responsible for how big your head has gotten. I’ve been telling people for years about how your lovely white flesh purees into the silkiest and most delicious mash ever.
I’ve touted all of your good qualities to anyone who would listen – and now look what’s happened…
$6.99 a head?
Are you kidding me right now? I thought we were friends…
Someone needs to tell you to get over yourself, and I love you enough to be that person. Just keeping it real – I know you’d do the same for me.
I hope that we’ll be together again someday, but for now broccoli and I have rekindled our relationship. He knows his own value, but has managed to hold on to his humility over the years. It’s a beautiful quality and we’re having a great time rediscovering old haunts, and even creating new recipes together.
I’m not telling you this to hurt you – I really do wish you the best.
And if we should happen to run into each other in the produce aisle I hope it won’t be awkward. Let’s both smile and cherish the memories of all the good times we had.
I’ll let you know if and when I’m ready to try again in the future. Maybe once you’ve had some time alone to think about what you’ve done and how you’ve treated the people who love you the most.
Just don’t call. Don’t make it weird, OK?